Wednesday, 18 May 2016

Find your tribe - for a reason and season or a lifetime

I am so annoyed with myself because I recently either watching or reading something in which a lovely person spoke or wrote about finding your tribe and I cannot for the life of me remember who it was or where I saw it!

Don't you just hate it when that happens.  I would love to be able to refer to back to it because it had some wise words I seem to remember, I just can't remember exactly what those wise words were.

The reason that I am trying to remember is that last week I had a finding your tribe moment.  I am lucky, in blogland I have found my tribe.  My fellow group of yarny people and crafty people, history people, garden people, travel people, book people.  All kinds of great people, we read each others blogs, visit, comment and also we often share our five things on a Friday together which really is the ultimate coming together as a tribe.

When I started blogging I didn't know if I would find a tribe or not, or even if there was anyone else out there like me that would want me in their tribe.  It took a while and then I fell in with a group of bloggers who were lovely and took me under their wing and although some have since fallen by the wayside or moved on to other things many of them are still around and we still read each others blogs.  There have been new people coming along all the time too and that has been wonderful.

I have also been incredibly lucky to have made some really great friends in blogland, some of whom I have met in person and some that I might never meet, but whom I imagine will always be lifelong friends, no matter what happens with either of our blogging journeys.

That is something really special.

In the beginning through, it wasn't easy.  I started blogging really so that I could comment on others blogs - I didn't realise you could just comment.  I was very pleased - and surprised - that I seemed to form a great bond with one person that I met in blogland.  We seemed to get on really well and e-mailed and had a lot of contact and shared some really personal stuff - on both sides.

Then, I don't know why and I don't think that either of us were "at fault", we started to drift apart and I realised that what had seemed to have become a deep friendship very quickly was more of a passing fling.  This person was lovely, and I hope I was lovely to them, but what seemed to be wasn't - for either of us.

I learned a lesson there about friendship that I hadn't known about before and although I am still ready and open to making friends I am perhaps a little more cautious now.

One great lesson that I have learned about friends through blogging is that the people you end up being the greatest friends with are not necessarily the people you "want" to be friends with, they are the people that you become friends with, and those friendships are greater and truer than any other.  It is the people you are meant to be friends with, that you really are friends with, not necessarily the ones that you think you should be friends with who are really your friends.

To return to the start of this post though about finding your tribe.

As I have said - at length now - I have a great tribe of blogging friends.  I am so lucky and I have no plans to leave them anytime soon - or ever!  As you know though, I am trying to start new ventures and therefore I have to find and fit in with the tribes in those areas that I am trying to expand into.

So far so OK.  Slow and steady, but hey the tortoise won the race didn't he, not the hare.  In this new journey for another tribe I realised that I had forgotten the great lesson that I had learned some years ago.  There was someone that I wanted to be friends with and I was - probably sensibly on their part - rebuffed by them and that hurt me a bit.  Now, they didn't know me, don't know me and might well never know me, but I forgot and thought I knew them and that we would be friends.  To be rejected hurt, but now looking back it is probably the right thing to have happened.

I remembered.  I have to find my tribe in and in time I will.  It will come in the most unlikely of ways and places and then in time I will look back and wonder how I got to where I am and will forget the early days of trying to fit in. 

It is a bit like starting a new school isn't it.  You don't know anyone and you want to join in with the popular girls, but in fact you are better off with the group that really become your real friends, because they are real friends, not just popular.

The lesson, the takeaway, just wait.  Good things come to he - or she - who waits and so I need to practice some patience and it will come.

I will leave you with these words which some of you may already be familiar with.

Reason, Season, or Lifetime
 
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
 
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

 Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
 
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
 
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
 
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
 
Unknown

I will wait, I will find my tribe or perhaps they will find me.  What I might not find is that really good blog post that I read!

Amy

p.s. Another valuable lesson that I have also been reminded of recently.  Be yourself, don't try to be anyone else.  You are perfect as you are and that is all you need to be.  As Bridget would say "he likes you very much just the way you are" and so does everyone else!

37 comments:

  1. What a lovely post Amy, very wise words. I always enjoy reading your blog, I don't always have time to comment, they are often read on the move, a quick look on my phone, so it is lovely to see you on IG as it is more suited to those quick looks on the move. Loving your tutorials xx

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  2. What a great post. I totally agree with the paragraph "Its a bit like starting a new school......." and I have always said things come to those who wait, and it does. I tried to make friends with some people through blogging, some friends and still with me, but others lets just say we let go of each other.

    Julie xxxxxxx

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  3. A very thoughtful post, Amy. We all have lots of tribes throughout our lives and as you say, some friends stay with us and some drift away.

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  4. Well, you have a friend in me whatever the weather :-) xx

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  5. Lovely post Amy. I'm gradually finding my own tribe following a lot of heartbreak. Could it have been Astra at A journey to a dream blog who wrote it? X

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  6. A lovely post. It's very true that we may think we should be friends with someone but it doesn't always work out, and that's usually for a very good reason. I hope you manage to find the post you were looking for, it sounds very interesting.

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  7. That was a very touching post Amy and I also have had similar incidents, though not necessarily in blogland. People definitely do come and go throughout your life. Live for the moment with the friends you have and let the others move on. Take care.

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  8. A very wise and thoughtful post Amy Love the words Reason Season or Lifetime. Patience is a virtue but we all settle into a tribe eventually. Take care.

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  9. I am glad you have found your tribe Amy! X

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  10. The one and only time I can remember trying to be someone else was in high school when I found out who my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend was and one time I tried to dress like her and it was a complete failure. He wound up becoming my husband, and then my ex-husband. :) But other than that, I have never felt the need to fit into any group or certainly am not into popularity contests. You summed it up at the end of your post ... Just Do You! That's it. And quality over quantity is much more important. Have a great day!

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  11. What a lovely post Amy about friendship and finding your tribe. I am a relatively new blogger, started last October. At first I felt quite alone but gradually different tribes have been building up. One tribe close to my heart is the Five on Friday Group! There are many whom I consider as my friends and their comments always make me happy. I have some other tribes too. And quite enough, I don't need thousands of followers.

    Life is a journey, people come close. Some stay, some don't - but they have served their reason as many have said. My motto is often: Carpe diem! - Live at the present! Not always easy but aiming to that.

    A happy rest of the week to you all!

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  12. Lazy Daisy Jones recently wrote about this Amy, maybe it was her post you remember? x

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    1. Yes Fiona I am sure you are right it was me!! xxx

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  13. It's really good you are feeling so settled Amy. Friends come in the most unlikely guises sometimes and friends don't necessarily have to be a mirror image and often it's quite nice if they are different. For some reason I'm thinking of a favourite film I used to watch with my children - Disney's The Fox and the Hound - which we all used to find very comforting on a rainy afternoon when we weren't feeling our best. Really enjoyed your podcast again yesterday - it's a piece of calm sanity for me at the moment and I really like how you share the bits that go wrong as well as your lovely finished projects.

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  14. Very thought provoking post with some wise words, especially about being ´you´, I think sometimes we all forget that bit and try to be what we think others want us to be. xcx

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  15. I learn so much from reading blogs and I still remember how I felt when I first embarked on this generous and personal group of women. It is hard when bloggers stop blogging. I miss them so! I do think it's courageous to put thoughts and ideas out there. I love the friendships. Thank you for yours!

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  16. Incredible post Amy. The blogging world has been an amazing place and I've met some people who I hope will always be a part of my life. I enjoy being part of your tribe and look forward to your posts each day.

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  17. Very interesting post and your points are well taken. Hope that we all find our kindred spirits or likeminded folk. It makes the journey easier. Course, there's always the odd one who just makes life more exciting by not being a thing like us. =D

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  18. A lovely post Amy and very thought provoking. I'm loving my blogging friends and I found most of them thanks to your Five on Friday. You seem to drift towards the ones that have similar interests B x

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  19. Blogging friends are something special. It was good to read what you are learning along the way. That was an interesting piece to read at the end of your post. Reason, Season or Lifetime. I can put several friends and acquaintances into those categories. Thanks for sharing Amy!

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  20. What a great post Amy! I loved all you insights and musings. So true - all of it. I'm sad that your friendship was rebuffed, can we really have enough real friends? I don't think so. The truth is though that 'real' friendship is a rare find, it either clicks or it doesn't and there's not right or wrong either way.

    Anyhoo - great post :)

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  21. Spending 4 and a half years in the Air Force when I was just 19 taught me some of the lessons you described, and your lovely post brought it all flooding back. Some places were very lonely and I never fit in, some were in the middle of no where and filled with people who were exactly my tribe. I've carried many of them in my heart over 40 years now and will never let go of their memory. I hope you find the post you're looking for and then share it with us soon.

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  22. I have made so many friends through blogging, some of whom have become real life friends. But yes, like you, some that I thought I shared a real bond with have drifted away ..... they gave up not only blogging but the friends they had made through their blog. I am always amazed at my son and his tight band of friends - they have known each other for over 20 years, since meeting at school. I like the saying "what's for you won't go past you" - so don't try too hard, your future will find you!

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  23. Amy Hi lovely I think it was me!! I wrote about finding my tribe, still looking! xxx

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  24. What a lovely post! I'm trying to find my way in blogland now that I'm started. In life I am a shy person and not so good at making new friends. I'm hoping it's a little easier on the computer to put myself out there. I am trying to join in more!

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  25. Lovely post - and so pleased to have met you in blog land and in person. :) x

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  26. It's great to know there are all these lovely people out there, always ready to read and encourage. I hope you feel happy with your tribe. x

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  27. Amy - this was such a lovely, thought provoking post! I'm so glad I met you in blog land and I consider you part of my tribe. :)

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  28. You've put a lot of effort and hard work into your blog over the years and you deserve the interest of like-minded bloggers and the friendships you've made. I think you've found your niche in blogland with your creativity and new ways of communication through your podcasts to encourage and teach the skills that you've learnt yourself. Bringing bloggers together through hosting Five on Friday is another aspect of your blog you've initiated and is much appreciated. Sending you a bouquet of thanks and good thoughts dear Amy.

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  29. I have a friend who often quotes the beginning of the piece at the end of your post. I wonder if she knows the rest? I will share it with her.
    You have written well about your feelings & emotions - I understand exactly what you mean. I enjoy reading your blog from time to time - I'm not a knitter, or quilter, or crocheter, or sewer, but what you write is still interesting and often resonates with me. Thank you.

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  30. We make and loose friendships all our life don't we and it doesn't hurt any less than when we were children when some of them fall apart.
    Lisa x

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  31. What a lovely post Amy. I have lots of friends in blogland who appreciate the same things as me. I loved looking round your garden earlier for example. In real life it's harder to find people who like the same things. Here, it's simple. You're collecting a great tribe of people around you I think. CJ xx

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  32. Finding a tribe to fit into and finding friends is tough. I struggle with it a lot. Thank you got sharing that whole quote. I've only seem the beginning of it many times. The rest has a lot of good advice. Good luck with finding your tribe!

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  33. Hello my dear Friend! Sorry I've been so busy and behind in blogland. I was just catching up on your podcast....love to get my dose of Amy and her wonderful creations (I loved that bag!!) and now read this post. I just love this and I love so much that I've found you, and my fellow blogger friends, to be my tribe too. It's crazy how much I feel like many of you are like family to me and we've never even met!! Just crazy, and amazing, and wonderful, and such a blessing. I'm so grateful for you dear Friend. I guess that's what the real point is here as I ramble. Lol

    Blessings to you. xoxo

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  34. Was it this one by Aby over at You Baby Me Mummy? http://youbabymemummy.com/blogging/finding-your-tribe-why-you-need-one/

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  35. You have such a loyal group of friend here in blogland Amy, that is because you are so wonderful and kind. I think it is hard to find friends anywhere at our age, but here is such a nice place to be the only problem is when someone you care about leaves and you never know what happened to them. That always breaks my heart a bit. You are so lovey Amy, anyone who can call you a friend is very lucky.
    Meredith

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  36. A fascinating and wise post Amy. Grayson Perry often talks about finding our tribe and has wise words to say on the subject.

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